I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
