We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
