she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
