I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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