I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize