i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
