She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
