I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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