That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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