wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
only you would photoshop your dick
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
