Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
