Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
