he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
