I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
