i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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