I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
