I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize