paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
there is puke in my bra ... again
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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