Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
