yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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