I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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