When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
