Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize