she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
