We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
