nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Randomize
