I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
