Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
