I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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