so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
