I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
i need some magic done to my vagina
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize