Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
