Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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