Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
