in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
COCAINE IS GR8
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
