Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
