I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
God, I missed his penis.
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