I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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