She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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