I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize