Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
