I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
