I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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