Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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