I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
