Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Randomize
