i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
