So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
