google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
