If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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