I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
