One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
