sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
