i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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