Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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