we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
