Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize