Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He shit in the fireplace
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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