I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Randomize