i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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