Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
