Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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