sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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