i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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