If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
