Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
