I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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