I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
