I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize